Motherhood

These thoughts swam through my mind as I prepared for my first Meetup in December 2012, a month after my first daughter was born. As the first of my friends to have a child, I was determined to make “mommy pals” who had kids the same age as my daughter.

I’m 33 weeks pregnant and I’m really starting to feel it physically. Chasing around a newly walking 14 month old has preoccupied me to the point where I haven’t had much time to think about welcoming a second child in the next month or two. Somehow though, my husband and I are not that worried.

Tomorrow is Rocco’s first birthday. We are keeping it cozy and intimate because we are in the middle of yet another move.

Sixty-three years ago today, Charles Schwartz introduced the world to the “Peanuts” comic strip.

Upon arrival at the Center for Living Peace, a soft-spoken woman, who exuded an unquestionable Zen vibe, greeted me. She gave me a quick tour around the center, indicated where to park my stroller, and introduced me to group of women waiting for the class to start.

It was our first time in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. It was a lovely Saturday in May, a little more than three years ago. The weather was in the 70s, the breezes were light, the perfect kind of day to spend an afternoon sipping really good beer, munching salty bar food and catching up with my besties.

Like most new moms, I’m sometimes insecure about my mothering skills.

I’ve never been a huge fan of air travel. I love traveling, but being squished into a metal petri dish for hours has never been the highlight of my trip. But the worst part of air travel has always been the bad luck of being seated by a screaming infant or a young child with unruly behavior.

There is no handbook to motherhood. Sure, there are literally tons of books written on child-rearing and the internet is flooded with motherly advice, from pediatricians to “mommy bloggers” and everything in between. But, over the last month, I was left perplexed by my son’s disinterest in solids. Simply, my baby won’t eat solids.

When I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I knew I didn’t want to spend a lot of money on maternity clothes because the pregnancy time-frame is so short. For both of my pregnancies, I managed to spend very little money on maternity clothes, by buying some staple pieces and working with…

I can distinctly remember my parents warning me about becoming a parent. They told me how hard it was and how much it would change my life. They didn’t really talk about any of the positives. I remember thinking at the time – wow, my parents regret ever having me. I don’t actually think that’s the case, I think they just wanted me to understand the weight of becoming a parent.

I unexpectedly ended up in the hospital last weekend with early contractions. Luckily, my daughter decided to stay put (at least for now), but her near early arrival prompted me to hurry up and get my hospital bag packed.

I thought I had this baby thing figured out. I just had a baby 16 months ago, so the hours of research I did for Rocco should hold water, right? Then, this week, beautiful baby Giada makes her early appearance, and I’m back to scouring the interwebs. This time, I’m in search of information about preemies.

I’m not one of those women who loved being pregnant. My body was taken over by someone else, literally. I didn’t like the extra attention from strangers asking me when I was due, or telling me how pregnancy suited me. I counted down the days until I reached forty weeks. Maybe both of my babies and my body sensed how much I wasn’t into this pregnancy thing, since both babies came early.

I recently met a new baby bib designer on Instagram. We got to talking about her new business and Etsy shop. After learning about her fledgling business, I started poking around on Etsy. I quickly learned there are tons of really talented designers, creators and crafters on Etsy.

This Sunday is my last, first Mother’s day and I’m already nostalgic. This is my first Mother’s day having a daughter, and my last, first mother’s day, since we don’t plan to have any more children. As I reflect on what Mother’s day means to me this year, it dawned on me that there are now three generations of women in my family. Now that I have a daughter, Mother’s day feels different somehow–when daughters become mothers to daughters.

Colic is Satan incarnate. “She won’t stop crying. I seriously can’t take this anymore. Will this ever stop? Is something wrong with her? Is she ever going to be a normal baby?” I repeated to myself, tears rolling down my cheeks, every day for two months straight. This is life with a baby who has infant colic.

Do parents treat their high needs babies differently when they are older? Do the early years with a difficult baby affect how you see or treat them moving forward? Do parents grow to resent their high needs child?

I was confronted by my own mortality the other day. Long story short, it got me thinking about what would happen if I wasn’t here. In a flash, my eyes welled up at the thought of not getting to watch my kids grow up, to not be an integral part of their young lives and help mold who they will become.

“Mommy, my legs hurt,” Rocco whined. It was a Monday evening after the long holiday break away from school. I didn’t think much of it, until he continued to complain throughout the evening, and woke up crying, complaining of leg pain, several times in the middle of the night. Since I was awake anyway, I Google searched “toddler leg pain” and was bombarded with articles about toddler growing pains.

My baby girl just turned two (more on that next week!) and Rocco is already three. I can’t believe I’ve been a parent for three years already! There are times when I miss my life before kids, but most times, I can’t imagine my life without them. Parenting taught me many things, and I’ve learned a lot about myself in the process.

Siblings play together, without a parent around, from the beginning, right? Wrong! I had no clue how long it would take. I am so grateful my kids are finally there. I mean, finally! Yay! It seems like it’s been forever. I had no idea just how tough it would be to raise two kids who are only 15 months apart. We actually thought it would be easier, and I think it will be when they’re older.

This is my 4th Mother’s Day, so I’m thinking about my mom goals for the year. It’s still rather hard for me to imagine that Rocco is almost four, but at the same time, it’s getting more difficult to remember my married life before kids. Sure, I have strong memories of my childhood and early adult life in college and grad school, but those precious first years of marriage before kids almost seem nonexistent.

Just a couple weeks ago my son started asking why, why, why for everything! Literally any time we ask him to do something, he asks why. Asking why all the time can definitely get on my husband’s and my nerves. I don’t want to have to explain myself all the time, however, there are a lot of good reasons he is asking why. Here are some tips for how to deal with children asking why all the time.